Marriage

[Hmph]

I know you can handle this...........

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:

'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

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Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

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Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

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THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

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Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle it!

[MsNikaPooh]

Needed that laugh. That really made my day. And everyone of them are right Men are Not Equipped to mess with us.

[B-Unit]

heeey, how you been

I've been on myspace and facebook more, but using this board to post stuff i don't wanna lose. :d happy new year and hope the dogs are well.

this new phpbb version is nice. but man when it notifies you of a topic, geesh! lots of bells and whistles go off, but think from my email program on both phone and desktop.

[MsNikaPooh]

I have been good. But the crooks finally got my babies when they broke in when i was out of town. Good thing about it was the neighbors heard the shots and the cops got them coming out. I mean they shot all of them all multiple times.

[Hmph]

wait, why am I just seeing this message? what babies are you talking about?? your dogs?? gurlll. OMG yeah I hope someone got shot! are the dogs okay?? are you guys ok? and good thing neighbors were paying attention, but someone was watching your house to know you weren't there.

[MsNikaPooh]

Yea they got my doggies. I think that too. Someone had to be watching cause my neighbors called me while I was still on the road. Girl they even shot my westie. I had to thank my neighbors though they were on point. I was looking at new rotties today but I am still not ready for new ones. But I have been good and my boys are a great lesson in patience that only a mother can have.

[Hmph]

OMG that is really sad. I hope they were/are caught. greed. it never amounts to nothing except problems for person preyed upon and makes them prey because of it, because someone will always be looking for them.

but glad your neighbors saw something.