Huh? What? Who?

I just wanted to ask a question for the current viewers/posters of the Work It Out forum...

I'm a 25 year old african-american male, who has a 6 year old daughter. I love her with everything in me. I know she's most definitely a gift from my father. I was in love with the mother of my child, however now I (choose) to deal with the same gender on a sexual level. I can get really deep, and because I know that you all who frequent this board are adults (who identify themselves as heterosexuals), I would like to know what your thoughts are on this particular topic.

As a child, in school, I remember when my schoolmates would call me "gay" for whatever reason. Be it that they didnt approve of the way I dressed. My soft spoken tone of voice (it has since changed ... I sound like Barry White these days). The females that seemed to enjoy my company more. My lack of "deep" interest in sports. The fact that I almost "always" had my homework done. Math came to me naturally, which made me shine in all that subject matter in class. I could go on and on with the reasons they could have identified me as being "gay".

How could they know what I like? How could they know how I felt inside when being around other boys? I actually didn't have (sex) with another dude until I was 18. In college. That doesn't include Oral ... I'll explain that later.

As humans we are BORN curious about things we have never experienced. This is true to ALL. Just as you can't say that you are not "curious" about this lifestyle ... as you knew before entering this "Rainbow Room" ... what the topics would be about.

Personally, I feel it is extremely wrong for kids to call each other "gay", as it only increases the level of curiousty in those that are on the recieving end of this kind of harrassment. What do you think. Vote above.

I'll come back and tell all more about me later. How/Why/When I **CHOSE** this lifestyle. And anything else you all may want to ask in this thread. I'm a very honest individual, and hopefully I can bring some light to some questions about this lifestyle that you've really been itching to ask.

if name calling made people choose lifestyles, there'd either be more or less serial killers and other criminals in the world because parents can be the biggest abusers of words towards their own children.

but unfortunately, lack of self-esteem and self-worth does make others behave negatively because of what others say about them, or trying to please people who really serve no purpose other than to talk about others.

given I'm been on my own for most of my life, I've learned that people who have a lot to say about so much and everything WILL NOT be there for you when you're down and out, and if they have an opinion, f the opinion and pay me for their input instead or put their $$ where there mouth is. or unless their immediate input will lead to immediate resolution of issue at their expense, it mostly goes in one ear and out the other. like when I was moving around, someone came over and said when are you going to get some furniture. my response, "when you buy it or pay for it to be moved, that's when since it's worrying you more than me"

you can't live for what others thnk, however, it is important to respect each person because even in people like jeffrey dahmer, god also resided.

at the end of the day if you can look yourself in the mirror and say, gee I didn't screw anyone over, I corrected or attempted to correct my mistakes, and I did something thoughtful for someone I didn't even know, then hey, it's all good and f what anyone has to say.

I can understand your point vaguely, however, I dont think you grasped *my* point fully.

you wrote:if name calling made people choose lifestyles, there'd either be more or less serial killers and other criminals in the world because parents can be the biggest abusers of words towards their own children.

While I agree that *some* parents can be guilty of choosing the wrong set of words to use with their children, I dont think there are too many parents who would call their own child (gay) during their childhood. And that's the issue at hand. I'm guessing you chose NO, in the above poll. Which would suggest that you believe those persons who ((choose)) to indulge in same gendered relationships and/or intercourse, were born that way. I dont agree with that at all. We all have choices. Whether or not you did it because someone else said you should, or you chose to do it on your own ... in the end, it was still a *choice* you made. Some say children who were molested, choose that lifestyle because of it. Personally, I think it would have the opposite effect on me, had I been victim to that kind of abuse.

Then you wrote:but unfortunately, lack of self-esteem and self-worth does make others behave negatively because of what others say about them, or trying to please people who really serve no purpose other than to talk about others.

Well at one point in my life, I must admit my self-esteem was a bit lacking (at times) ... but I still dont feel I was trying to please anyone in my own *choices*, but MYSELF. It sounds like you're considering this lifestyle/behavior as negative. I hope not. You could have been still making reference to the serial killers and such.

I really do hope this thread strikes up an interesting, and informative read for us all.

actually "no" was the only option I could chose, however, I didn't agree with the last part of the option. look nucca you made the poll and left blanket statements in the choices that leads to assumptions.

don't make me stab ya today, I ain't in the mood and am just a itching for a stabbing today

but no I don't believe people are "born" that way. and I have heard parents name call their kids including calling them gay, lesbian, etc.

I just think if each person recognizes their own self and what their feelings are, less time would be spent pleasing folks who just won't be there whether you bend over backwards pleasing them or not

also in regards to your question, I used serial killers as example. if you look at their history, most, but not all, have horrid relationships with family or peers, called all types of names. told they'd never be nothing or treated like nothing. therefore, they start to desensitize others and it makes it easier to harm others, i.e., they think they're nothing, therefore others are nothing.

same with girls who are called sluts by their father or mother, they tend to act out more sexually than others.

alls I'm saying is this: if you let what people tell you mold you, well damn, you're just a lemming. but if you follow your own heart and mind, you are your own self and doing what's pleasing to you as it's not harming others. well unless you're a serial killer

tamra wrote:actually "no" was the only option I could chose, however, I didn't agree with the last part of the option. look nucca you made the poll and left blanket statements in the choices that leads to assumptions.

Okay, I can understand that, however I still don't agree with the NO.

I changed the polls options to reflect your opinion darling.
You're entitled to your opinion, so as I'm entitled to mines. Thanks for your input. Now if we could just get those others who have viewed the topic to repond and vote. It appears they don't want us to know that they are indeed *curious* as I had previously stated in my initial post.

I do think that humans are born with a sexual desire to go in one direction or another.
If you were with a female long enough to father a child, I would think you were following what you thought was the norm and what you thought was expected of you.
Then during that relationship you felt a closer sexual tie with your own gender. That would tell me that it was something that God created in you.
Remember, God don't make no junk. You followed your own heart and desires. Given the choice, and you do have a choice, you chose the same gender. Its who you are and never deny yourself. The old saying, "To thy own self be true"

No I do not think children should ever call each other names. But they will do it anyway. They are
in a state of growing and they (the kids) need understanding also.

Me again, Carollline
I just wanted to say, I too have a choice and the thought of ever being with a women sexually is really NEVER EVER an option for me. I would cringe and be totally repulsed.
So I would say that even if I do have a choice my natural choice could only be one way. And my creator created me this way. Just the same as he chose for me brown eyes and a tendency to put on weight.
Our choices are not totally our own. They are part of our blueprint.
This is why I think Makewayz your blue print calls for either or and you chose the way you are most comfortable.
Are you worried about your choice?
If the kids called you gay, they knew it would bug you. Kids like to feel superior by putting others down. Now that you are grown, those silly kids should not be worrying you. Be proud of how God Made you.

First of all, I'd like to say, Thank you Carollline, for replying to my topic.

However, there's some things I'd like to comment on that you said.

If you were with a female long enough to father a child, I would think you were following what you thought was the norm and what you thought was expected of you.

I can assure you that I was not just following what I thought was the norm during my relationship with my daughter's mother. I was completely in love with her. Noone in my family approved of my relationship with her, and that in itself made me want her more.

Then also, she was the first female I had been with, that made me wait for a good amount of time (in my eyes), to have sex with me. We had been dating for 4 weeks before our first time. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, which it really isn't, but I had never been made to wait that long.

Sidebar is: She was a virgin, but I didn't know until 3 months later. She had originally lied to me, when I was teasing her over the phone, about how I'd break her open, calling her a little girl.

Fastforward to when she got pregnant. I enlisted in the military, because I knew I was going to be a father. I was excited about having my own family, and not having to raise a child in two seperate households, or even just ONE household, as I was as a child. Going to the military I realized how deep in love I was with this young lady. I wanted everything for her, and it was my hearts desire to make it happen.

When I recieved my orders for the next 6 years, it was for me to live in Texas. It was basically a land duty station, as I was assigned to a mine-sweeping ship that rarely ever goes to sea. (Unless at time of war) .... Even then it would be for less than 6 months at a time. We would be taken care of by the military, and my Rate and Ranking were very good.

She refused to move to Texas, so I decided to leave the military, to be back in VA with her and my daughter. Of course, that still didn't work, as I was constantly been accused of working too much, because I was messing with someone at work. (All untrue, and even non-supported distruths). .... I could go on and on. But you're just gonna have to wait until I get this novel about this entire situation and more to come out.

Then during that relationship you felt a closer sexual tie with your own gender.

It wasn't until after my relationship ended with her that I began to feel CLOSER sexual ties with my own gender. They seemed to come in and fill that void of love that I so desperately sought in my relationship with her.

You're right, GOD don't make no junk. And he also gave me the choice of free will. I decided to choose this lifestyle, after feeling that it was most comfortable after what I'd been through.

I swear, to know me, is DEEP.

Then also, she was the first female I had been with, that made me wait for a good amount of time (in my eyes), to have sex with me. We had been dating for 4 weeks before our first time. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, which it really isn't, but I had never been made to wait that long.

First you say "The first female you were with" and then you say" I had never been made to wait that long"
Am I misinterpreting's incorrectly?


Since we are being honest. I will tell you about me.
Husband and I were both virgin at marriage. We dated year and a half and have celebrated 51 years together. Times do change.
We are not wierd. We have attended 5 celebrations of 50 year weddings of our friends and neighbors.

carollline wrote:

Then also, she was the first female I had been with, that made me wait for a good amount of time (in my eyes), to have sex with me. We had been dating for 4 weeks before our first time. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, which it really isn't, but I had never been made to wait that long.

First you say "The first female you were with" and then you say" I had never been made to wait that long"
Am I misinterpreting's incorrectly?

Yeah you did interpret it incorrectly ... you must have missed the statement that followed. THAT HAD MADE ME WAIT THAT LONG .... All of the girls I was with before for, I never went even as long as a week after meeting them, before they let me hit it. So I respected my daughter's mother in a whole different kinda way.

Since we are being honest. I will tell you about me.
Husband and I were both virgin at marriage. We dated year and a half and have celebrated 51 years together. Times do change.
We are not wierd. We have attended 5 celebrations of 50 year weddings of our friends and neighbors.

That is very very commendable, and I in no way think y'all are weird for that. Congratulations. May God continue to bless you with many more years to come.

Times have changed drastically ....