just goes to show when things seem so devastating, with the right positive people around, so much can be overcome, if self-determinedhttp://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/m ... ml?cnn=yes
Olympian Holmes considered suicide
Posted: Sunday May 29, 2005 11:05AM; Updated: Sunday May 29, 2005 11:05AM
LONDON (AP) -- Britain's dual Olympic gold medalist, Kelly Holmes, said she cut herself with scissors and considered committing suicide while suffering depression in 2003.
Holmes, who won 800 and 1,500-meter gold at the Athens Olympics, said she cut her left forearm and stomach during a two-month period in June 2003. At the time, she was dealing with a series of leg injuries in a French training camp with her coach and fellow 800-meter runner, Maria Mutola.
"I made one cut for every day that I had been injured," Holmes told the News of the World newspaper on Sunday. "With each one I felt I was punishing myself, but at the same time I felt a sense of release that drove me to do it again.
"I even thought briefly, just for a moment, about pressing the scissors harder on my wrists. It wouldn't have taken much and all the worry would have been over. I though I was cursed, it was the lowest I've ever been."
Holmes said she covered the cuts with plasters, clothing and makeup. She sought help from a doctor, who diagnosed her with depression. Holmes couldn't take antidepressants because it would have affected her sporting performances, so she took herbal serotonin tablets instead.
Holmes said her coach and family didn't know of her self abuse.
"I have chosen to reveal this now because I want to show people that what I'm trying to do is not easy," she said. "People get depression for various reasons but can't express how they feel.
"This is what happened in my life but I was able to change it and go on to what happened afterwards."
Next month, Holmes will release her autobiography, Black, White and Gold. Earlier this year, the 34-year-old was made a Dame, the female equivalent of a knighthood. She has not committed to August's World Athletics Championships and is considering retirement.